Reality Discipline

One of the hardest jobs I've found as a mother is knowing when and how to discipline. I've recently learnt that the root word for discipline comes from disciple which in a nut shell means to teach, train and mentor.  Reality discipline is a relatively new concept that teaches lessons to our child based on the consequences of their behaviour. The trick is to use every opportunity to teach them a life lesson that will benefit them as they grow up into the real world. Shielding them from failure or by not allowing them to loose a game does not help them.  

We may think that we are protecting their self-esteem, but that is not the case. Self-esteem is derived from knowing their value and worth as a contributing member of the family and not through their successes alone. We need to prepare our children for the cruel, hard realities of life in the real world and to teach them that there is a consequence for every actions, whether good or bad.  By doing this, we will be teaching them how to learn from their mistakes and make a better decision next time.  Not every bad behaviour needs to be punished, but it does need a consequence that fits the crime that will help them to correct their behaviour in the long term.  Disciplining with love as a foundation is crucial to winning your child's respect and maintaining a balanced and correct authority position.  Rules without the relationship just leads to rebellion. Your child needs to know that you love them enough to want to help them to grow up into a loving, caring and responsible adult!

Teaching Respect

To me, one of the most important characteristics I aim to teach my daughter is respect! Although I agree that one must be shown respect in order to naturally want to give it, I feel it is one area in our society that is sadly deteriorating.  For me, respect is both for self and towards others. Self-respect is not allowing others to mistreat you; to stand up for yourself and to believe that your opinion matters. It also means dressing modestly and keeping yourself clean and your room tidy, not because 'mummy says so', but because it matters to you too. I've taught my daughter that you cannot respect others if you have no respect for yourself. Respecting us as her parents and others is to look at us when we talk to her;  to pause her game and to listen to what we are saying and to reply politely. When we call her, she knows to acknowledge us and to come when we tell her to. Being considerate of others is another form of showing respect to them. Another important lesson is to teach them to respect authority.

We may not always agree with the teacher, the policeman or person in authority or uniform, but it is our civil duty to always show them respect, not so much as their person, but for the position they hold. Showing respect to your elders or those older than you is also important. I think it is important to socialise your children with elders other than just their Grandparents.  Children need to understand that with age comes wisdom and experience and that there is always something to learn from them.  It may take patience on our part, but it benefits us to take the time.  

One way I've taught this is by including my daughter in my visits to an elderly widow friend I have, which she always enjoys. Showing respect to others is also through our manners - to remember to always say please and thank you. The earlier you teach this to them, the more habit-forming it will become.  My daughter knows also that gifts must always be acknowledged and thanked for, even if she doesn't like it.