I have heard it said that if your child hates you, then you can be proud that you are doing a good job as a parent! If they haven't said it to your face, then rest assured they have at one time or another thought it! And if you disagree, then please do tell me your secret! I believe it is natural for a child and parent to have power struggles and if we are disciplining them correctly, then we must expect not to be liked at times. However, as much as children hate being disciplined, secretly deep down in their soul, they are happy that we care enough to try to correct their behaviour. There is nothing more sad than a parent who has given up on this, and a child will sense that. In our home, after a much needed hiding or having her gadgets removed, my daughter becomes much more pleasant and well-behavioured. When I first heard my daughter say she hated me, I cried in disbelief, thinking of what a failure I was as a mother, but after hearing accounts from other parents, I am relieved that this does seem to be a normal outburst, especially if they have not reached a maturity level of successfully identifying and expressing their emotions correctly.
How we respond though is crucial... We may feel tempted to shout back in anger, but I have found that by letting them know you are sorry they feel that way, and that you know they don't really mean it and that you still love them, can often diffuse their anger, to some degree. We need to remember that it is not an easy job to guide and train up a rebellious child, but firm and consistent discipline will and does pay off in the end. Your child needs to know that you will not stand for unruly, defiant and disobedient behaviour, because if the truth be told, if we don't make a stand on this, we will fall for anything!! And if you feel like you have failed on this, remember it is never too late to start! Have a talk with them today, set out your boundaries and your expectations, explain the consequences of what they can expect and perhaps even a reward you know will help them comply. I would also suggest apologising to them for having failed them in this regard, and then, take it one day at a time...
When my daughter started her period at the young age of 11, I was relieved that I had already prepared her for it, so instead of being scared or confused, she knew exactly what it was, and what she needed to do. What I didn't know or could remember from my period starting, was that it is quite normal to miss one or two months in the beginning, and for some to be lighter or heavier than others. I also didn't know that women in the same household will automatically synchronise their menstruation cycle's to start round about the same time - much to the horror of my husband... One bit of advise I can offer is to use the many apps available that can help your daughter to plan and prepare her for her next period - and an app for me to know when to expect her PMS moods, so I can have a little bit more understanding for her outbursts. Let's face it, hormones are the bane of our existence, but if we are prepared for them, we can learn to adjust our sails and survive and control them, without them controlling us!
