When your child says they hate you...

I have heard it said that if your child hates you, then you can be proud that you are doing a good job as a parent! If they haven't said it to your face, then rest assured they have at one time or another thought it! And if you disagree, then please do tell me your secret! I believe it is natural for a child and parent to have power struggles and if we are disciplining them correctly, then we must expect not to be liked at times.  However, as much as children hate being disciplined, secretly deep down in their soul, they are happy that we care enough to try to correct their behaviour.  There is nothing more sad than a parent who has given up on this, and a child will sense that.  In our home, after a much needed hiding or having her gadgets removed, my daughter becomes much more pleasant and well-behavioured. When I first heard my daughter say she hated me, I cried in disbelief, thinking of what a failure I was as a mother, but after hearing accounts from other parents, I am relieved that this does seem to be a normal outburst, especially if they have not reached a maturity level of successfully identifying and expressing their emotions correctly.  

How we respond though is crucial... We may feel tempted to shout back in anger, but I have found that by letting them know you are sorry they feel that way, and that you know they don't really mean it and that you still love them, can often diffuse their anger, to some degree. We need to remember that it is not an easy job to guide and train up a rebellious child, but firm and consistent discipline will and does pay off in the end.  Your child needs to know that you will not stand for unruly, defiant and disobedient behaviour, because if the truth be told, if we don't make a stand on this, we will fall for anything!! And if you feel like you have failed on this, remember it is never too late to start! Have a talk with them today, set out your boundaries and your expectations, explain the consequences of what they can expect and perhaps even a reward you know will help them comply.  I would also suggest apologising to them for having failed them in this regard, and then, take it one day at a time...